Don't Spray Me Bro

I spent most of my childhood with a pack of behemoths.  My weekends usually were spent hanging out with my older brother, Eric, along with our friends Nick and Chris (whom are older than me by eight and six years, respectively).  Like many Asian families, our parents shared the familial bond through food and mahjong allowing me to hang out with this pack of giants on the weekends.  This gave me plenty of opportunities to mature at a quicker rate than my elementary school classmates.  Being treated like contraband at theaters, playing Bomberman until sunrise and experiencing McDonalds challenges that would shame Man Vs. Food became a rite of passage to gargantuan-hood.  But because I was the youngest and most naïve, I was also given the privilege of being the guinea pig/punching bag for much experimentation.

In 1993, Pizza Hut offered a deal for four-one large topping pizzas.  To a normal person, this would seem like a great deal for a Superbowl party, a bachelor party, or a TMNT party.  Well, a few nights back, we just accomplished the feat of pillaging McDonalds by devouring 50 cheeseburgers (@$.39 each), so ordering four pizzas for three teens and a nine year-old would be a walk in the park.  We picked the usual suspects, sausage, pepperoni, and mushrooms, but were left in quite a predicament, we needed one more to join the festivities.  Then Chris introduce the idea of an ingredient I never heard of.  I read the list of ingredients from the flyer and thought, ”what the heck is a Ja-La-Pen-O, and why is that “n” all funky?”

The harmonious chime of the doorbell rang and my heart began racing; running eight feet from the couch to the dinner table was hard work for a 130lb fourth-grader.  We flocked over the care packages of cheese and dough and ravenously grabbed paper napkins to absorb the excess oil.  After downing victims number one through three, the guys told me to try the green one.  “Eww, it’s green, I don’t like vege-tables.”  Chris assured me, “it’s ok, it tastes like mushrooms,” and all three smiled in a unified grin. 

[Source: https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgnT81qC77upGS0SzinUdQb6W0j-P-lIcNVDkaTJdXSsRm-q0Ecis99XqDjGa04p2cEM5zG80x6WBFTeeZojpPny7dn6c1H3g4cQleZffR9Yaa3AlMiz_G0RktZd7mJkuLttmxuH05BHknL/s400/pizza+(own).jpg]

Bite number one: Ohhh, this is good, nom nom nom nom.
Bite number two: ohhh, so tender and soft, kinda sweet
Bite number three: WHY IS MY MOUTH ON FIRE…..IT TASTES LIKE BURNING

Thanks guys.  More on Chillies, Chili, and Chile Wednesday.