Stuck a Feather In His Hat and Called It "Macaroni"

Day one into my project and I was greeted with writer's block. What in the world was I going to write, educate, and entertain my blog with? I originally brainstormed the topics related to food safety and foodborne illnesses. Then realized that I'd end up inciting a fear of eating, or better yet, result in my readers to carry around irridation apparatuses. Then the idea of milk and lactose came about. Whether your intestinal tract likes it or not, many of you have had experiences from childbirth as your first meals were from your mother...or Gerbers...but that would be too cheesy (see what I did there?)

In my puzzled and bewildered stupor, I consulted with the patria of reason and logic; Chinese superstition (for those that don't know me that well, I am a complete disbeliever of superstition, horoscopes, pastromancy, and all that mumbo-jumbo). For the past 25 years, I've celebrated my birthday with a dish containing noodles, yee-mein, egg noodles, vermicelli in shabu shabu and the entire gamut of tubular grains. The noodle symbolizes longevity and a long life so I can only hope for the same in this blog. In essence, this entry is celebrating the birth of Eatsology, so it only makes sense for me to write about the noodle!

Ok, I take back that sentence about questioning superstition, but I still don't believe in astrology and reading ninja turtle shells.

Credits to Geekologie

I love the noodle because it's an amalgamation of transforming dry flour particles into a cohesive mass that's malleable enough to be shaped, sliced into thin threads, and strong enough to withstand being pulled 100's of times. At the same time, noodles need to have structural integrity to stay intact when dipped into a boiling pot of H2O. There's a complexity of carbohydrate chemistry that's both fascinating and tickles my noodle (see what I did there?), but would make for rather dry reading. Rather than induce a coma, I'll talk about applications and what techniques you can do to make perfect pasta. Or Noodle? Which came first?

Many have accreditted Marco Polo for discovering noodles in China and then showing the Italians this culinary delight. However, the Mediterranean world had pastas long before Marco and Athenaeus of Naucratis documented the first lagana (sounds familiar? Read "Garfield") in the 2nd century. However a recent book by Serventi and Sabban has set the record straight that the art of noodle making began in northern China before 200 BCE...not CE. Because of this, I shall be using the term "noodle" rather than pasta. Great, another addition to my list of Chinese inventions including explosive cannonballs, negative numbers, the cultivation of soybeans, and bad driving habits.

Not all noodles are made the same. Some contain higher levels of dry ingredients, eggs may be present in a few, others have increased gluten proteins to give a firmer interior. Just thinking of the diversity of noodles causes me to salivate. Vermicelli (little worms), spatzle (little sparrow...wtf), couscous, mian, udon, even banh trang are all essentially noodles. In all honesty, I think Noodle World should be selling gnocchi (lumps); lovely-lady gnocchi. Even though people argue which is their favorite, the one thing the culinary world can agree on is that a noodle should be cooked al dente.

So why does al dente happen, I mean, you're submerged the noodle in a vat of boiling water, its going to cook evenly right? I've illustrated this with my artistic skills of a 1st grader two-year old.

To the left is an uncooked pasta where the starch granules haven't been fully hydrated (there's a little moisture present, but thats for another blog). To the right is an al dente cooked pasta, where the outer portion of the pasta has been exposed to the scalding liquid. You'll notice that the external portions are single-lined strands which are "dissolved starch molecules" (Quick biochem lesson: starch is actually a complex of carbohydrate chains). These "sugary" carbs have shorter lengths because the energy and heat of the water has broken many of their connections (bonds) in comparison to the larger starch molecules that look like six-pack ring holder. The "six packs" have expanded a bit because they've been exposed to water, but haven't broken their linkages because not enough heat and water has been exposed to their surface. Like a vampiric invasion, the longer you cook the noodle, the puny starches will eventually face the same fate and join the dissolved starch molecules.

Finally, you noticed the similarity from right's interior compared to left's interior? That's what gives noodles that resisting "to the tooth" bite in al dente. In this stage of the cooking, the noodle surface is usually 80-90% water while the center remains 40-60%, but will continue to gather more residual moisture when displaced from the water.

But why not completely cooked noodles? Other than the fact that it would have the texture of jamba juice, you normally don't eat noodles straight up. Most cultures add a sauce and the soaking of the noodle gives you the flavor component. If the noodle were completely cooked so that it was only dissolved starch molecules, there would be no complex for the flavors to bind within the starch and you'd be left with an aqueous mess.

I'll expand more on the subject of noodles by Saturday. Also, you'll notice to the right a small section dedicated to my followers. I'd really appreciate it if you could add your avatar and let other foodies know about this site. It makes me feel a bit better about myself in the end of the day that my research is reaching out to others.

Because honestly, if it weren't for this project, I'd be playing my playstation3.  By you joining, it's saying to stop spending time with Modern Warfare 2.

Eatsology?

Near the conclusion of 2009, I finally had a chance to watch Julie and Julia. For those of you that missed it due to GI Joe, Transformers 2: Revenge of General Motors and all your other summer blockbusters, J&J is about an aspiring writer that follows the life of the culinary behemoth, Julia Child. My pithy description does no justice to the movie but I've always wonder what it would be to create a blog about my thoughts. ..and eventually have a movie or a show made about me.

Furthermore, my brother recently began composing a brilliant journal of feasting at 30 different bars by his 30th birthday ( http://30bars30days.blogspot.com/). Yes Eric, your blog has inspired me. But what in the world could I write mine about? Video Games? Maybe if I were ten years younger. Sports? No, I'd get ripped to shreds from my die-hard junkie friends as if it were an episode of Rome is Burning. Food Critic? Naw, thats what yelp is for, and I can't compete with 500+million. Wine Blog? As fun as this sounds, I wouldn't be able to emulate such work due to decreased aldehyde dehydrase activity in my liver. In addition, I don't know if could be as critical about food, service, and ambiance since there are many other entertaining blogs for that niche...plus, I'm just too nice when it comes to servers...unless you're a buffoon.

Damn, a melancholy shitstorm hit me one day when I realized I have no expertise in one subject. Just as people sulk after a bad breakup, I armed myself with a nickel-coated ice cream scoop in one hand, and 1.75 quarts of Moosetracks in the other. I gorged on 3680 (kilo) calories of chocolate and peanut butter pieces while watching ten hours of Anthony Bourdain, Andrew Zimmerman, the Man vs Food dude and Cal's abysmal bowl performance. By this time, it was 10pm and Good Eats was on. For those of that live in a cave, host Alton Brown occasionally brings experts onto the show ranging from farmers, nutritionists, the FDA, Lactose-Man, and an affable food anthropologist, Deborah Duchon.

In the episode (This Spud’s For You), Deborah makes an appearance explaining to A.B. that the potato is actually a domesticated product of a poisonous plant. Time machine back to sophomore year at Cal. Who would have thought my 10lb of potatoes could propagate pseudo chia-pets (damn, so close to an alliteration)! Coming back to reality, my heart began racing, I became lightheaded, a sudden amorous gush followed…was I in love with Duchon? Oh… it was probably from the glycemic shock of dessert goodness. But the idea of being to educate others with a pantheon of food knowledge is quite thrilling. In fact, how many of you have had conversations with me while we’re eating? You know, the moments where I say, “You know how fried rice came about? Want to know why you get the runs when you eat too much Escolar or Orange Roughy? Fenton’s challenge, no prob…here’s how you stop brainfreeze.” At least I’d be putting my college degree to good use!

Yes, I will be creating a blog soon. As of now, I’m considering Eatsology (foodology is an actually website), but I’d love to hear input. In addition, I lack creative juices to brainstorm enough topics so please list some here if you have ideas and I’ll try to my best. In addition, ask for an invite as I've created a google.wave for suggestions.

Grab that champagne glass and cheers!

By the way, the reason that beverage is still bubbling is due to carbon dioxide (the same stuff we associate “carbonation” with in soft drinks). Farmers in the Champagne region competed with, the warmer climate Burgundians neighbors to the south. Because Champagne’s region was more frigid, this caused deactivation of yeast molecules during production. As the wine was placed in warm storage, the dormant yeast microbes awoke from their hibernation and activate releasing CO2. Thus, the bubbly goodness is just microbe by product.

The gaseous by product you produce would not make for good drinks.